Gentleness: A Soft Answer

This past week I have learned something while working on being more GENTLE. I learned my son listens more indepth when I'm not talking in an elevated voice with my hands and arms pointing and moving around. He doesn't put up that wall of defense and tune me out. The lesson I quickly caught on to was a soft answer. Gentleness: A Soft Answer - It matters how we respond with our words and voice.

Gentleness: A Soft Answer

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

I also learned that no matter what, if my son is not taught how to do something, he is more than likely not going to do it. How could I expect him to sit down at a piano and play something, if he has never been taught? This is the same thing with obedience; our children have to be taught to obey.

We all have a sin nature; no one has to be taught to sin. But we do have to be taught how and when to obey. If we expect our children to obey immediately ~ we have to train them. Think for just a minute, the last time you were asked to do something, did you do it? Did you do it immediately? What's the difference in us and our children? There is none. If we expect our children to obey immediately, then we must be willing to PRACTICE WHAT WE PREACH. We can't have it both ways.

We can stand over our children with a belt or a paddle and scream at the top of our lungs to get them to do something. But is this really working? Think about it. We are teaching our children to obey only when they are being screamed at. We are not keeping our cool so we can use a situation to help guide them into obedience. We are also teaching them to be a screamer or yeller.  Yes, we are. We are teaching them that it is alright to scream at others to get their point across. We are also planting bitterness into their tender hearts. This bitterness is going to be a huge mess when it is full blown and it is not going to hurt just them, but everyone around them.

How can we teach our children about God and His wonderful love, when all they hear coming from our mouth is hateful sin?  We need to remember the saying, "Like parent, like child." Our daily walk is what our children are learning from us. Are they seeing the Fruits of the Spirit in our lives? Are they seeing and hearing gentleness?

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,  Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Gentleness: Actions and Words


For a couple weeks, I've had friends talking about a Gentleness Challenge that started.When I first heard about it I thought, whatever, and pushed it aside. I mean, I'm a gentle person, I consider the feelings of others, I try to be sweet and kind.  Last week, after reading several blog posts, I decided to check it out. I'm glad I did because I realized I wasn't as gentle as I thought. I needed gentleness in actions and words during our homeschool hours. Gentleness in actions and words. Let's not forget body language as it tells a whole different story.

Gentleness in Actions and Words

What I read, showed me some things in my life where I'm not so gentle.  There have been times, where I have found myself yelling at my son when it comes to school work, keeping his room clean, and obeying. When I think back on those times, it makes me shudder. I want my son to fear me as a form of respect, but I do not want him to be scared of me. I want him to know he can come to me and we can talk about anything, without me flying off the handle at him or stopping him before he can say what he wants or needs to. This kind of action quickly closes the door to open communication and I want that door to stay open for us.

When I read the following paragraphs, it dawned on me, that it is not only children that do this, but adults also. Really, who likes to be yelled at?

For the past week, I have worked on slowing down and breathing. I've worked on my body language and lowering my voice.  You may not be screaming at the top of your lungs, but your body language will show the real reaction you are having.  I've done a lot of praying this past week. I've made sure that I have my morning devotions and prayed before my son begins moving around. My days are much smoother when I complete those two things before hand. Since I've started working on being more gentle, I've noticed a difference in my home.

This week, while I continue to work on gentleness in actions and words, I'm going to be working on :

Expectations ~ making sure I'm not expecting too much from my son. Exhaustion ~ making sure I am getting enough rest. Disorganization ~ making sure I'm prepared. Bitterness in your marriage ~ making sure that I'm not allowing something between my husband me to filter into my relationship with my son. Proverbs ~I'm going to work on marking all the verses in Proverbs that deals with communication and speech and memorizing some.

You can read my post on Gentleness - A Soft Answer